The Time After

The time after losing a child, in my personal experience, was numbing to say the least. I think the pain was so intense, so horrific, that everything around me felt like it was all in slow motion.  I don’t remember a lot of the first 5 years after.  Just bits and pieces of trying to stay together for Jason’s older brothers who were also going through their own grief. I tried my best to be a good Mom to them, because I know that would be important to their little brother. But at the same time, it’s hard to be good for others when you are in so much personal pain.

I honestly didn’t feel like it was all really happening. The first month, I felt he would walk right up to me but at the same time questioned if he was ever there because the thought of losing my child was too much.  I had to tell myself that of course my little boy was there, but now, he’s gone. How do you deal with this type of loss?  I honestly don’t know even though I went through it. The best I can say is that everyone’s grief is different and NEVER let someone tell you how to grieve your loss!  Especially from someone who has never lost a child. No one can truly understand that pain unless they have personally gone through it.  I remember thinking before he passed away that I could never imagine losing my child.  That I would go completely crazy.  Well, for the first 2 years, you could say I pretty much did, but I survived it.  But not un-scarred to say the very least.  I still deal with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to thankfully a smaller extent (PTSD) and I’m in recovery from Anorexia Nervosa which took years to overcome.

I will be updated this page and others as time goes on to tell my story.  Jason Lee passed away in 1996 and since then, I’ve gone through a lot of personal struggles to heal and deal with day to day life.  I don’t mind sharing my story in hopes that others don’t feel alone in how they are feeling because I know I felt crazy and alone during my struggle int he first years after.

Feel free to ask any questions below and I will try to answer the best I can.  I’m not a doctor and I’m not to replace a doctor so if you need help, please seek that from a professional. I’m here to offer my personal experience.

 

 

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